Today I am
going to write about my journey so far with my latest born....Kayleigh Jean.
:) I was reading one of my friend's blog posts, who had a baby just a few days before Kayleigh was born. This is what she wrote
I love
how I truly can fix all her problems so quickly and so easily. Feed,change,snuggle. That is it. Things really are so
simple and perfect and I am cherishing every single moment.
I had to
kind of grimace and sigh because I sure did not have and have not had the same
experiences with my baby. Things sure have not been simple and perfect since she was born and try as I might there
were many times that I wasn't cherishing every moment. ha ha To be quite honest
my life has been pretty darn difficult since she was born. Sure, I have three kids 4 years old and
younger. That in itself has kept me busy
and tired. However, it was Kayleigh that
was making things difficult. She is 5
days shy of 3 months old and has spent hours almost every day and night crying without comfort
until yesterday. I am still not sure if
she will be better, but I am hoping. :) If only she were the normal baby crying
for the normal baby reasons. I tell you
what....there is nothing worse than having your tiny baby screech and cry in
your arms from what seems like pain....for hours...and there isn't anything
that you can do to fix it. And this
isn't just some weird random day or evening.
This is every day and night for months.
The normal baby fixes don't work.
You feed her....she pulls away and cries still. Or eats ferociously only to pull off, burp
and scream and cry again. Snuggle
her? I tried snuggling, rocking,
swinging, swaddling, etc. She still
screamed. Change her diaper? Constantly,
way more than my other children....yet she still cried.
Our house is
just one floor and you can hear pretty much anything from any room of the house...if
it is loud enough. So I have two other
sleeping children and a husband who has
to work the next day...and a screaming, crying baby that I cannot get to stop
in the middle of the night. So I had to
go into my walk in closet every night and just try my best to console the inconsolable
baby for hours on end. Pretty much every
night for the first month and half of her life.
She would scream and cry and I would cry. I would often plead to Heavenly Father, to
please bless this crying baby. Some
comfort was probably given to her, but never complete relief. In fact there were two nights in particular
that she had been screaming on and off for hours and my husband finally broke
down and gave her a blessing and she stopped crying immediately and would fall
asleep finally. Giving us both some much
needed rest. So I know Heavenly Father
was looking out for us...the priesthood blessing had proven that...but pleaded
as I would every day that he would fix it...he would not fix it...he would not
fix her. She would cry most often in the night hours....but her days were not
too much better. Unless she was knocked
out cold asleep.....she would be fussing.
Her moments of awake and being content would only last minutes in
duration.
Feeding her
became extremely stressful. My back was
in knots because every time I had to feed my newborn I was a tense ball of
stress. She would pull away, choke mid
way through, need burped 4-5 times in a meager two ounce bottle. She would fall asleep during a bottle to wake
up screaming crying a few minutes later to eat again. Sometimes it would take two hours to eat a
two ounce bottle because of this constant struggle. Hard times for sure!
Now, I had
dealt with a crying baby before. When
Noah turned 1 month old he cried and cried too.
We discovered two things...he had a milk allergy and he had acid
reflux. We put him on a hypoallergenic
formula and the doctor prescribed him liquid zantac. He was good to go after that. Sure he fussed, but normal baby fussed after
that, and we were set. So he was hard
for a good 4 weeks but was cured. So I
had dealt with this before. I breastfed
all of my babies. But when Noah seemed
to be effected by everything I ate, I had stopped...not wanting to be the
reason my baby cried. So the same with
Kayleigh...a month into her crying the doctor gave her zantac, like Noah for
acid reflux. It did help....but did not
completely cure her like it had for Noah.
I stopped breastfeeding feeling heartbroken, and put her on the same hypoallergenic formula
that cured Noah. Again...it did help,
but did not cure.
She still
struggled eating, seemed extremely uncomfortable from stomach pains, burped and farted in excessive amounts, and
cried and fussed a lot. She also started
to eat less each day...her lack of weight gain at her 2 month appt and at other
GI appointments worried her doctors. Again
during this time I spent so much time on my knees praying that Heavenly Father
would fix her. Why would he not fix my
suffering baby? I was physically and
emotionally exhausted and I still had two other little ones to care for day in
and day out. I can safely say that I
have been dealing with a trial. I count
my blessings that what she has isn't life threatening or tragic or a constant
scare for her life....but endless hours of crying day in and day out. Not being able to comfort your new born. Having a home and other children to care for
amidst all of that...was and has been a huge trial for me. Probably one of my worse ones yet. She is days shy of 3 months had has been this
way pretty much she was born. That's
quite a long time. So I am tired. ha ha
After some
visits to the doctor, GI doctors, allergists, etc....explaining to each that
this was after all my 3rd child and that I am not some crazy mom. I explained something is wrong with her. I was told by different doctors, "sounds behavioral," "sounds like personality." blah
blah blah. I am sorry but I was the one
who took care of, attempted comfort, and cried with this baby each day. She was in pain. I am her mom and I could tell. Sometimes doctors can be such jerks. lol But after lots of this...we have finally come
to what I hope are solutions.
A few things
we've discovered...at this time she is allergic to milk and soy...she was not
even tolerating the "hypoallergenic" formula that you can buy at the
store. So her stomach is sensitive to
say the least. Her stool samples showed
that her intestines to do not seem to break down foods properly (even hypoallergenic,
easy to digest ones) which is what....along with allergies...that has caused
her extreme gas pains and stomach discomfort in the past. She is now on a expensive medical formula
called Elecare. Finally this gave her a noticeable
difference in comfort....less pain.
Also, she
has pretty severe and painful acid reflux.
The liquid zantac that cured Noah was not enough for her. So the next thing up is liquid Prilosec. What a blessing that has been. My baby is not as uncomfortable at each
feeding. And she is eating so much more
and starting to gain weight and look more healthy.
These things
have helped tremendously and it was nice to finally have answers. Also this past Sunday many family members
fasted for her and now 3 days later we have enjoyed the best and most normal
day and night since her birth. Still
some discomfort, but a very minimal amount! :) Thanks be to God. I am hopeful and pray it stays this way.
Now I have
been raised to know and believe that trials are ultimately for our good and
help us grow spiritually. So during this
time I have been trying to figure out what in the world I was supposed to
learn. Other than that...maybe I don't
need that fourth baby....three is good! ha ha :) I am not sure if this trial is over yet and if
she is good to go now. All of her issues
are things that she can grow out of. My
hope is that she will do just that and all will be well. I guess we will see what the future
holds. But as of right now...these are the
things I have learned from this trial.
1. It
doesn't matter how much you pray, beg, plead, bargain, etc with Heavenly
Father. It is in his timing that things
will get better or be fixed. Until then
you have to just be patient and endure.
Wow that's a hard one to learn.
It's been hard being patient for him to help my baby get better. But it was a lesson I needed to learn. Everything is in God's timing not ours.
2. Service is truly one of the best ways to
experience and feel God's love. My mom
has provided a lot of much needed help.
But she also works full time and it was hard for her to help as much as
she wanted. Also, family is supposed to
provide service for each other. I would
help her in a heartbeat if she needed help too.
However it wasn't serving family that I needed to learn a lesson on,
that comes much easier for me. I needed
to learn and discovered how truly important it is to "serve others." After a rough week a lady in my ward (church)
called me and told me that she was going to watch my kids for a few hours while
I either took a nap or got things done.
She didn't care if Kayleigh cried she would be just fine. It is hard for me to accept service from
others. I have a mentality that I can
take care of everything and do not need help...even when I do. So she took my kids and I came home and
cleaned and rested for a little over an hour and it was rejuvenating. Also when I went to pick up my kids she told me that she was making me dinner. Her kind act
of service was so helpful and truly touched my heart to what service was all
about. Through her kindness and service
I felt God's love during this trying time.
I knew he loved me and was looking out for me and Kayleigh. She also watched my older kids during a
doctor appointment for Kayleigh and made dinner for me again within a week of
making me dinner the last time. From
this I have finally discovered why service is so important. Sadly I had not really understood the meaning
or reasoning for service before I have had this trial with Kayleigh. And now I understand it so much more than I
ever thought. Because of this trial I am
going to be much more willing to give service to others in need. I had to experience the joy of receiving service
to realize how important it is and how much it truly can effect others in
need....not only physically, but mentally, and especially and more importantly spiritually. Through service I felt God's love. I hope to be much better at helping others in
need now.
3. I have learned that fasting truly does
work. Kayleigh had been on her new
formula and prilosec and was getting better, but it wasn't until a family fast
that she truly seemed to be a "happy baby." This week she has smiled more, been more
alert, and slept more peacefully...and that was after the fast.
Now I know
that I still have PLENTY to learn and even within the 3 things that I have learned
from this trial I probably still have plenty more to learn within each of
them. But this is yet another example of
how trials truly do teach us things. I
pray this trial is over and that Kayleigh will be better from here on out. But even if she is, I know that more trials
will be in my future. And I just hope
that I can bear my trials with patience, understanding, and that I will learn
what God intends for me to learn from them.
Here is a
smiling picture I took of Kayleigh this week.
Sadly her smiling has been a rare occasion. In fact each smile of her life has brought
tears to my eyes because they were so rare.
But she sure has smiled the past few days! She has been consolable the past few days as
well. She has been...dare I say...a more
normal baby the past few days. And I truly
hope it sticks! :)
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